I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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