Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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