pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
