I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
