:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
