how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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