my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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