they need to just BURY HIM!
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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