He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
