btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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