Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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