It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
