Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
