I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
