I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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