It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
