When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
