That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
