She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
