were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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