I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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