I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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