I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I got inside last night via doggy door
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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