i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
