Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
