On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
