god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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