We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
