I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
