He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
what is it with giant penises always finding me
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
