Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
