is your mom at the bar?
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
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