East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
