is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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