It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
