how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
whose parrot is this?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
