i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
