I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
