We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
