The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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