he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
