i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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