Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
