when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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