She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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