Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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