if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
