I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Verdict: uncircumcised.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
