where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
