on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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