So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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