1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
