Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
