fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
