Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
