using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
