I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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