You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
