new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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