just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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