I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
