i think my tv is drunk
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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