The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
