wat bout pragnant strippers??
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
