the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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