he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
They should really pass out barf bags in church
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
