Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
