true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
