Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
