im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I could have mohawked her pubes.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
