Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
