it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
