a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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