I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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